Just reflecting....

So I just finished volunteering in Chase's classroom and on the way home I had a moment to my self to just reflect. I ABSOLUTELY love being a mom, spending time with children and watching them learn and grow. But I tend to waste so much time energy and focus on the wrong issues, people and circumstances. I feel like I am constantly defending myself. 98% of the time I live my life positively. I have to! This year alone I have spent 1 day away from my children. Because the resources for anything else are just not there. All my family live in TN. I do not like cutting people out of our lives, but I will! As a mom its my job to protect my children, if you aren't a positive influence you simply cant be apart of our lives. My children are my legacy and i can not fail them! With that being said since I am 30 I will list 30 things about me that maybe you didn't know but will have a better understanding for who I am, who you're dealing with and why I'm that way!

1. I have high anxiety when it comes to new people. I tend to keep to myself because its less drama.
2. I have been to 28 funerals. And lost 33 people close to me!
3. I do not I repeat, DO NOT like liars, fake people( including family), jealous people, haters, bad moms, or people that continue to make excuses for others and those who know it all! You will get no love from me! The end!!
4. I am a work in progress.
5. I have lived for the past 12 years unorganized chaos!
6. I am extremely creative and wish I had a little more time to write.
7. I don't typically ask for help when it comes to my children because they are MY children. And if your family I shouldn't have to ask you should want to spend time with 4 of the most amazing kids I know...just saying!
8. I am  over the top cheesy! I always put notes in the kids lunches I try to make each day special for them!
9. I love traditions!
10. I have been in therapy for years and love my therapist!
11. I have suffered from abuse.
12. One of my favorite quotes is " He who stands for nothing, will fall for anything." I have to remind myself of that when dealing with issues at hand. But just so you know I'm no pushover! I will always stand for what is right, even if that means standing alone!
13. If you hurt me I can forgive you but I tend to never forget..I'm working on that!
14. I have never been a follower always leader...that will NOT change!
15. I am realizing that these days are precious and go by really fast!
16. I am also learning that not always saying what needs to be said, isn't being shady but showing maturity..some folks should feel lucky I'm maturing.
17. I'm extremely girly! That is me! I have always been this way. I love some pedis, good chocolate, good coffee and my 1 coach purse a year!
18. My mom, brother and sister mean the world to me! we got all our creativity from her!
19. I just started eating sushi and I love it!
20. I am not a big drinker, but if I do its usually some fruity dessert wine, Ha!
21. I thought I would never get over miscarrying a baby.
22. I'm still trying to decide what I want to be when I grow up!
23. I love tons of genres of music, On my favorite play list, you'll find...James Taylor, Justin Timberlake, some Britney, Aersomith, Red hot chili peppers, Amos Lee, Adelle, 36 mafia, too short, ella fitzgerald and so many other randoms!
24. I am currently not taking applications for new friends. I have friends that have been my friends for almost 20 years! And I love them!
25. I also do not like racist people. My family is different and it does require you to stare!!
26. I hope to get my plastic surgery soon!
27. I honestly would have lots more kids if I could! I love being pregnant, but I also love that the kids are growing and becoming independent... :(
28. I am a momma bear...if you hurt my kids I will hurt you! That is the area where there is no gray area..just black and white! The end!
29. Is realizing that marriage is one of the hardest things in the world to do. You marry into a family with such high hopes of it being a great experience only to find out that is so not the case! You cant please everyone!  I'm officially done trying! I have tried and tried and now its pointless! I would rather invest that time into people that care!
30. I have at 30 never felt more confidant, more self assured, more at peace with my life. I will hold my head high because I can, I feel the presence of God in my children and I know he's blessed me with them for a reason! I'm done engaging the bad, its time to focus on the positive! Its finally time to let go of some of the hurt, and redirect my energy into being a good person, a great mom and a awesome wife! It feels good :)
I will strut these mom of 4 hips like its no ones business! Heyyyy! Ah that felt great! Moving on! Letting go! And embracing all the good in my life! Leaving the petty people alone!